10 Arrows
by PockyPhoto
Summary: KakaSaku. We both have 10 things we love, 10 things we hate, and 10 things we noticed. But can we find the one thing we both want to say?
1. 10 things i love about u

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU**

It was our little secret. A game just between the two of us. Not even Sasuke or Naruto knew about it. Yet it began with such a small, miniscule thing.

The morning sun was amazingly bright for a September day. And not just any September day. September 15th. His 32nd birthday. Team Seven had training as usual. He never gave us a day off, but he meant well for us. I know he did. He didn't show it, for it was hidden as often as his face, but he did care for us. He wanted us to be the best.

Sasuke wasn't the only one to whome I wanted to prove my worth, my value in continuing such a harsh life. We had the opportunity, no, the privilege, the pleasure, and the honor of working under the famous Copy Nin. Nobody thinks much of it in this village since he's always around somewhere. But, to me, the fact that I was the _Copy Nin's _student? That sent shivers down my spine, but also an arrogant grin to my face.

But, on his birthday, I wanted to do something fun. And before training for an important reason, concerning one of his two gifts I had for him. I met my first love and my best friend on the bridge, as we always did. And my favorite teacher was late, like every other time he assigned. I don't think Sasuke and Naruto ever noticed when his birthday was. Or, if they did, they very much ignored it. Training was always more important than a personal holiday. (Though I also agree with that, I couldn't give up this chance.)

I gave my two teammates the notion that I had a quick errand to run before Kakashi-sensei would appear. And, Naruto, being the over-caring ninja he was (and the positively, sweetest guy I adore) did his expected interrogation and offered his company. Yet, I lied about "girl problems" to which he heavily blushed and mumbled for me to hurry back, trying not to meet my gaze. I lightly waved him off, quickly ushering to my sensei's window.

And there he was… soundlessly asleep in his comfy bed, on his 32nd birthday. I took a moment to absorb his peaceful slumber as the morning rays peeked from behind me to grace his calm features, even giving him a glow. I sighed, wishing I had my camera at the time.

My eyes briefly caught sight of his old team picture, when he was such a handsome, young shinobi. To tell the truth, I thought he still was one. I was instantly reminded of my purpose as I slipped through his window. I reached into my bag, taking the paper arrows that I had cut last night into my fingers' grasp. (Honestly, I was lazy. I had only cut one and used ninjutsu to make copies of it.)

I placed the first arrow beside his team photos, pointing to the bland floor. It said, "10 things Sakura loves about Kakashi." I didn't mean love in an "I'm in love with you" kind of way. It was more of adoration, more of a friendly term. He knew what I meant. He always does.

I set the next three arrows spaced out among his carpet, pointed to his bedroom door.

10. He's a perverted, old man that can bravely read porn in public.

9. He has the sharingan and knows how to use it.

8. The only thing he's afraid of, are hospitals.

I peeked at his resting image once more. I knew he knew I was here, but I was glad he didn't wake. He'd ruin the surprise. And he knew I'd force him to the bridge right now. I placed another arrow right before the door's edge on the ground.

7. He can summon a pack of dogs, including my favorite, Pakkun.

I remember Akamaru was actually arguing with Pakkun about who would accompany me in a small solo mission to a farm, concerning an ill grandfather. Kiba translated it to me with much difficultly for he was blushing and turning away the whole time. Akamaru won out in the end for Kiba had simply told the Hokage that he would just come along anyway.

I opened the door of Kakashi's bedroom, trying hard not to allow a small "creak" to echo in the room. I situated four arrows in the narrow hallway to his kitchen.

6. He can perform "Thousand Years of Death."

5. His hair defies gravity, except when wet.

4. He's the Copy Nin.

3. He's the Copy Nin _and _he's my sensei.

I slid his empty, wooden chair from underneath the table, wary as to not create those screeching sounds that haunt your ears. I set the next arrow on the flat, hard seat.

2. He would risk his life for mine (as I would for him).

And the final arrow, I settled on the center of the table. I reached into my pack to take a hold of the two small presents, wrapped in different colored boxes. I set them side-by-side at the arrow's tip, accompanied with a classic enveloped card on top titled,

"Happy Birthday, Kakashi!"

His one usual gift was a watch, which I get him every year, despite knowing he'd throw it away. It was out of habit, but also a tradition between us. His other gift was an _ONLY_ copy of Jiraiya's _Icha Icha Taboo_. I asked the sennin a month earlier to write a special book just for Kakashi's birthday. What it's about, I have no idea. Nor did I want to find out. Jiraiya said he would comply only if I "modeled" for him. I reminded him I was the Hokage's apprentice, raising my chakra-packed fist in emphasis. Needless to say, he quickly changed his mind.

After my final touches were finished, I carefully left his small apartment via the front door. Mainly because I had a lesser chance of the surprise being ruined while I was there. I descended his stairs to race towards the bridge as I joined my allies again. I had to admit that although I did well in my seduction/acting classes as a kunoichi, it still took all my muscles not to grin at my accomplishment. Naruto was clueless as always, and if Sasuke suspected anything, he kept it to himself. I leaned against the red rail, ignoring the fox-boy's common complaints and rants. I could see my reflection in the calm, still waters of the lake below me. I granted myself a small smile.

1. He kicks ass.

* * *

TBC... 


	2. 10 things u love about me

**10 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT ME**

When he finally appeared two hours later, which I noticed was awkwardly later than usual, I was anxious to see his reaction. But as he perched on top of the red arc above the bridge, I saw no change in his expressions. There wasn't any extra length to his smile, just his regular gesture to display his innocence in regards to his tardiness. There was no extra second in letting his eye _tell_ us that he was smiling. There was neither a glimpse of attention nor a glance, not even an instant, towards me. Not even a thank you.

I was forced to push my thoughts aside for a brief minute as I joined Naruto's routinely bashing and accusation of Kakashi lies for being late. Although my acting skills were put to use once again that morning, I couldn't help but wonder why he continued to act this way. I didn't expect any life-changing transformation, but I did think he would at least look at me in a way of communicating his appreciation. Did he not like my new method of celebrating his birthday? Did he even notice the arrows? How could he not? They were littered about on his floor throughout his apartment. This both confused me and haunted me greatly as our training for the day continued.

Everything was wrong that morning. He made me pair up against Naruto for sparring, which was initially fine with me. But then Naruto complained, claiming that he wanted to battle against Sasuke. And of course, no offense, he whispered softly to me in apology. I only smiled and shook my head. I couldn't compare against those two. I was nothing when I was with them, merely luggage. It was always like that. But I guess I should be grateful, for their rivalry was what pressured the other to grow stronger. Yet, as Naruto continued to whine about our matches, Kakashi actually snapped at him and shouted that these pairs were final. My eyes were probably as wide as dinner plates. Even Sasuke stood with his mouth agape. Kakashi? Angry? Surely, we've seen it before, in battle. But never about a small thing like this. It hurt me just then. Because it was evidence that he really did hate my birthday surprise for him.

There used to be a time where he'd grant Naruto and Sasuke every possible time for the two rivals to battle. I always supposed that it was just to watch as entertainment, yet he never did watch. He would always wait. I'd watch and wait, as well. Right beside Kakashi. We did have our spars at times, but being the Copy Nin, it was guaranteed that he would be victorious. After about two or three fights, the two of us would rest against the trees, with him reading that naughty book and me leaning against his shoulder. However, after we got used to this routine of waiting for our two friends to knock the brains out of each other, Kakashi started getting soft, in my opinion. It later wouldn't be his shoulder that supported me, but his lap. Sometimes, he would shift himself so that my head would fall upon his legs, so that he could run his fingers through my hair. If I wasn't spoiled before, I sure as hell was now. But I have to say, one of my greatest guiltiest pleasures today is to still have his hand gently sift through my cherry tresses.

Still, Kakashi had actually snapped. At Naruto. For something the blonde always complained for when partnered with me. I knew it was a "man" thing about pride or whatever, so I was never hurt by Naruto's refusal to fight me. He always held back against me anyway. Always caring for me, that guy. I sometimes wondered if I had a brother, if he would be like Naruto.

I grabbed Naruto's hand and led him away from the group. The blonde was only a little shocked by our sensei's behavior, but it still spooked him as well. He followed by my side, his fingers still tangled with mine. I didn't mind holding hands with Naruto at that moment. In fact, I guess I could say I needed it. It's not like my heart was broken or anything, but it definitely made me feel guilty for attempting to make Kakashi happy on his birthday. He had never been like this any other year. He would always smile and accept his gifts. Last year, he even kissed my large forehead as gratitude. How things changed from a small kiss of thanks to sudden irritation was beyond me. I hadn't even noticed when the bond between us had dissolved into barely a thread.

Hours later, training was finally over. Amidst the entire ordeal, I was partnered with Naruto. Not once did my sensei even speak to me. During our 5-minute break between spars, he motioned for Naruto. I watched as he spoke with the blonde Hokage-to-be. My eyes slowly shifted to the patch of weeds in front of my seat in the grass. Sasuke sat beside me, stretching his arm out in front of me, in need of my healing jutsus. I granted him his wish, not even recognizing that I hadn't looked at him, not once during the whole day, until he mentioned it. My raven-haired first love actually seemed concerned in that moment, but I told him that I was just thinking about something that was bothering me. It wasn't a big deal, just some small thing that was stuck in my head. He nodded, clearly aware that I was lying. But he didn't push farther. He just reminded me not to lose focus when healing him again. He was afraid I might blow his arm by accident if my thoughts somehow angered me. I laughed at his gentle joke. He smiled, both of us showing some kind of ease in our relationship. I still have some kind of love for Sasuke, but somewhere along the lines, it eased from the infatuation I used to bare for him. Yet, he would always remain special to me.

Naruto had taken his spot beside me again, scratching the back of his head in nervousness. He had that worried, yet honest grin upon his looks. Sasuke asked if he was hiding anything. Naruto merely sighed in defeat, looking at me in solemn sincerity. He mentioned that Kakashi had told him to give me a message, informing me that I still kept my left side unguarded during my taijutsu attacks. I glanced at my team leader, who sat against the trunk of a tree, his eyes fixated in an orange novel. The first thing I wondered was, "Why didn't he tell me himself?" Then I asked myself another question, "Why wasn't he reading the new novel I gave him? The one I _personally_ asked Jiraiya to write _just _for him?" Kakashi didn't move his sights towards me at all, so I turned away to continue my previous staring-contest with the weeds.

When I finally reached my own apartment, I wasn't tired. I wasn't happy. I don't think I could even say I was saddened. I was almost depressed. The thought of him not liking my surprise for him did cross my mind a few times before when I first came up with the idea. But I never imagined for it to affect me like this. I seemed pathetic as my hands touched the doorknob to the entrance of my small residence. I didn't move. I kept wondering. I kept thinking. I kept asking. Why didn't he like it? Did he even hate it so much that he would rather not talk or look at me? Will he ever regard me again? Does he actually hate _me _now? I let out an aggravated groan as my forehead connected to the wooden boards in front of me. I leaned forward against my door, slumping inside the warm room of my home. I tossed my pack to the corner as I slid against the entrance, shutting it with my back. My arms rested on my knees as I persisted to solve the questions in my mind. It only took an instant before I got exhausted of repeatedly asking myself for answers, that my hands fell to the floor as if I was burdened with Lee's weights on my limbs. My fingers grazed against a strange texture, taking my attention.

It was a white arrow.

I gradually picked it up, a fear running through me that it was my own. As I read the writing, my eyes widened and my mouth fell open, for it wasn't. The words were of Kakashi's penmanship, as his illegible inscriptions were easy to recognize.

"10 things Kakashi loves about Sakura."

A gasp escaped my lips as I reread the sentence a hundred times. Was this… a joke? I thought he hated the gift I left for him. Or… was this serious? Well, only one way to find out. I followed the direction of the arrow to spot the next few along the wooden floor, leading into my kitchen. I crawled along the ground, not bothering to stand up since I would have to stoop down every time.

10. She's a tough kunoichi who speaks her mind.

9. She can punch through walls.

8. She cares about everyone above herself.

I couldn't help but blush and smile at each single arrow. All the anger and uncertainty that revolved around Kakashi's behavior today had temporarily shrunk to the back of my mind. It was impossible to remain mad at him after this gesture. I saw my table chairs askew, escorted with another written part of the list. The first arrow led to the two on the table, which was further directed at another chair across from it that guided en route for my room. It made me a little embarrassed that he had been in there, though. I read his next paper gift to me with a scoff.

7. She can make Naruto shut up.

6. She got me an Icha Icha volume I never heard of.

5. She has pink hair.

4. She has green eyes.

I opened the door to my private quarters, revealing two more paper arrows on the pale blue carpet that pointed towards the edge of my bed. I would be going to hell for lying if I said I wasn't curious to what the last one said. The deep scarlet hue remained apparent on my cheeks, to which I was grateful there was no audience or guests in my humble abode. I kept following them, reading every sentence with my breath still caught.

3. She's my student.

2. She kicks ass.

My jaded eyes finally rested on the final piece of the list, to which I was guilty of admitting that I wished there was more. The last arrow was complemented with a tiny gift bag, about the size of my hand. For him to give me a gift was gravely unnecessary. I gave him presents because the reason was special. It was his birthday. There was no need to leave me anything. These ten sentences were enough to satisfy me for the next _month_.

I picked up the remaining arrow. The number one reason Kakashi loves about Sakura.

1. She thinks I kick ass.

All I could do was roll my eyes with a wide grin upon my lips. When my sight caught notice of his gift again, I laid flat on my stomach on top my cozy bed. I fell victim to my selfish side and opened it immediately. I peeled away the extra crinkly paper with gentleness to find a pair of silky ribbons tied together. Both were of a violet shade, tinted with a green outline. Ino may not have thought it was a precious gift, but to me, it meant of great sentimental value. It was very pretty, beautiful even. I was afraid to wear them in fear of getting them tainted with dirt. But to not wear them would be a bigger crime. I tied the two in my hair, letting the slim bands decorate my rosy strands.

I stood to admire them in the mirror above my dresser. I was never one to think about Kakashi's fashion senses, but I now believed he had some kind of touch when it came to presents.

I moved to fall back upon my bed again, staring at the ceiling of my room. Although I was as grinning like a giddy school girl only moments ago, my previous thoughts had my mind running a marathon yet again. Why did he act like he did today? Why did he even return the surprise? Why did he give me a gift? I turned to look at the paper arrows. His response to my surprise only added more questions, all of which were unanswered.

I let out another groan for the day. Is he playing with me? Is he toying with me for entertainment? How can someone so simple be so complicated? And how does he make me angry and excited at the same time?

What a jerk! What a coward! How can he do something as heart-warming as this, but only to cover it up by avoiding me all day? I knew it. He was playing with me, wasn't he?

I placed my hand over my heart. It was beating too fast for me to count.


	3. 10 things i hate about u

**10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU**

The next day was just the same. Training was particularly hard since I was paired up with Sasuke this time, but any criticism he had to tell me was passed on by Naruto. Even when I, myself, tried to walk over and start a conversation, he merely appears somewhere else, saying we needed to start the next exercise at exactly that moment. Both the blonde and the Uchiha noticed there was something going on, but I couldn't explain it to them when I myself had no idea.

I slammed my door shut as I entered my apartment. These childish tactics of his were starting to piss me off. I was trying to make him happy for his birthday! And this is how he repays me? By ignoring me completely as if I didn't exist? Sure, the returned arrows were a nice touch, but… it was impossible to solve its mystery. If he really meant those, and somehow I found myself almost praying that he did, then his behavior was only breaking me inside. He had never done this before. He was never mad at me for celebrating his birthday. He was never mad at me, period. He had always accepted my gifts and gestures. Why? Where had our friendship changed? When? When did it shatter to the point where he hated me?

And if those arrows were false, just lies to play with my mind, god have mercy on him. I will break every bone in his body and castrate him! Castrate him and his every clone! I hate how things have turned out! I slam my bag on my kitchen table, forcing the wooden furniture to topple over to the floor on its side. I didn't care if the neighbors below were angry or not. I was pissed, and had too many questions without answers. Normally, I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't care if someone ignored me. I'd let it slide for a couple days before they settle down. But it's hard to let this one go. It was Kakashi, my sensei, my friend. Or, at least, I thought he was my friend.

I bit my lip to keep it from quivering. Quivering from sadness or anger, I wasn't sure. But neither emotion should be showing. I shouldn't be taking this so hard. I tried to convince myself that I was simply overreacting, but no matter how often I tried to push away the treatment he gives towards me, it keeps rising in my mind until it's all I thought about.

I stormed to my room, grabbing the ribbons he gave me. And of what significance were these? I was so pleased, so happy when I thought they meant something. Nonetheless, they were part of the game, too, weren't they? A sudden knock reached my ears. I was instantly disappointed in myself. I should have recognized the person's chakra, but I was too caught up in my own anguish to have noticed.

I swung open my door, trying to force my feelings to a dark corner within me. Naruto looked surprised at my swift action, so I took a moment to calm myself in his presence. His soft, blue eyes always seemed to melt whatever emotions I felt. The fact that he was such a caring friend meant more to me than he could ever believe right now. He gave me a grin, informing me that training was cancelled tomorrow due to Kakashi having to go on a quick mission tonight. I scoffed a "good" in response, which Naruto suspected there was more to. I assured him that I was just tired from the all the stamina he and Sasuke had, since I couldn't keep up. The fox-boy placed a hand on my shoulder, saying that he'll make sure to beat up "teme" the next time he went too hard on me. Although Naruto got the wrong interpretation, I was grateful to have someone as special as him. I settled my hand on top of his own. I gave him my thanks, saying that I had things to do tonight, but I would treat him to some ramen some time soon.

We each separated to our own ways, to where I plopped myself upon my bed. What a coward… That man should apologize to me, tonight before he leaves. He should say sorry for the way he's treating me, or at least tell me if _I'm_ doing something wrong to I can fix it. I hate how he's ignoring my very existence. I hate that I can't talk to him for he simply runs away. Coward! I smother my face into a pillow, attempting to go to sleep, waiting for the visit I expected from a certain someone.

I rose in the morning, realizing I had never wakened up during the night. Which meant that Kakashi had not come by. Or that I didn't hear it, which was possible. I usually never do answer my doors. But all three of my boys knew to use my window. I always left it open for them. Lord knows how many fights Sasuke and Naruto continued to have, only to come to me for first aid.

I swept through my hair with my fingers, sighing as I sat up. He never came. He didn't apologize… so I guess that meant he really was mad at me. For some unknown reason. Well, how am I supposed to fix it if he can't tell me? If he won't tell me?

I quickly headed towards my bathroom for a shower. I was desperately trying not to stress myself over this silent treatment Kakashi was giving me. Whether he was playing a game with me or if he really did hate me, I wasn't too sure. But I was going to let him know that I didn't want to put up with it.

That night, I snuck into his apartment again. Too easily, I noticed. For someone to be a famous shinobi, yet invite his home to all welcomed and unwelcomed strangers, was a mystery to me. Then I realized that it could also have just been his plain forgetfulness to seal his door and windows. I had always noticed that he didn't eat as much as a normal person should have. He would only reply that he tended to _forget_ to eat on some days. Ever since I found that out, I've been cooking some meals for him every now and then. He used to joke saying that he liked having his own personal maid. And I, of course, would blush and retort that it would be more trouble on my part if I had to heal him from starvation on a future mission. Neither one of us believed my words, but I still remember having some great homemade dinners together.

I placed the two purple ribbons he gave me on his covered bed. I took an extra moment to etch their image into my mind. I fell hook-line-and-sinker for his game. I believed all the words he placed on his arrows and I thought his gift had really meant something. But it was all a lie. It was worth less than nothing, for he continued to play with my mind. He continued to give me the cold shoulder. Why? I wasn't too sure, but it made me mad. I wanted to both scream and cry, and pound the hell out of him so he could rest with the old teammates of his childhood. What kind of _team_ leader preaches about _teamwork_, but can't even follow his own rule? What kind of man runs away from a friend, who treats his birthday as a special event every year?

I set the first arrow on the edge of his bed, so when he walked in his bedroom, he'd get the idea right off the bat.

"10 things Sakura hates about Kakashi."

I organized my ten arrows on his bed in a circle, each tip directing towards the two bands of silk.

10. He's a perverted, old man who can bravely read porn in public.

9. He never goes to the hospital when he's injured, forcing a certain nurse to have to do house visits.

8. He performs "Thousand Years of Death."

7. His hair defies gravity, except when wet.

6. His droopy eye annoys the hell outta you.

5. He can kick Sasuke's ass.

4. He can kick my ass.

3. He's always late to times _he_ designated.

2. He's the worst liar I've ever heard.

1. He pretends you don't exist when you celebrate his birthday.

I ended the circular design with a small doll that I decorated to resemble Kakashi himself. I settled it on the pillows of his bed, piercing a senbon through it's heart. It may have been much (okay, too much), but I wanted it clear that I was mad. That I was upset. That he really hurt me.

I left his apartment, to seclude myself in my own. I wanted to forget everything about him. I wanted to ignore his spineless manners towards me. I wanted to ignore how riled up I was in this matter when I shouldn't have been. I wanted to forget all the memories I have with him. Every year, doing a separate and special event for his birthday. Completing missions with him, whether it was just the two of us or our whole team. Tag-teaming against Naruto and Sasuke as we fought two versus two in our training practices. I wanted to forget all that, not just because I was mad. Not just because he was avoiding me (though it was a MAJOR part of it). But also because I haven't been able to get him out of my head, not once, since I thought of this stupid birthday gimmick.

TBC…


	4. 10 things u hate about me

**10 THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT ME**

The day after Kakashi came back, he continued to give me the cold shoulder. Not a single word, not a single glance. Just like before. I can't say I was surprised. He knows he's probably not my favorite teacher anymore. At least not until he makes up for his attitude. However, the display he set in my apartment this morning clearly proved that he wasn't about to settle down anytime soon.

I woke up this morning to find another white arrow at the floor beside my slippers. The same slippers that he gave me last month during my cold. It was under the excuse that he was afraid I'd pass the germs on to him if I didn't keep my feet off the freezing ground. Sure, I had a tendency to practice bare-footed, but we both knew how awful a liar he was.

I had to say I was getting pretty exhausted at seeing these annoying, little symbols by now. Identical to its classic picture, it clearly demonstrates that it can pierce a heart. And in more ways that one. I ignored them for the time being as I motioned to my restroom to clean up. As I finished my shower, drying my hair, I stepped out. The flimsy object remained on the old carpet. I couldn't help but be curious again. In fact, it was on my mind the whole time I was showering. I hate to admit it, but I was so absorbed in my interest of his responses, that I had accidentally mistaken my body wash as my shampoo. Seeing as how it had already started to ruin my day, I could only relinquish to my inquiries. What did he have to say now?

Wait! What if it was an apology? But times ten? I bent down to pick up the first arrow. Man, was I wrong.

"10 things Kakashi hates about Sakura."

I hesitated to pick up the next arrow on the floor. They led to the outside of my bedroom, where I figured he, too, had one of my gifts to return to me. I had a clue to which one it was. My eyes were glued to the paper arrow in my hand. He really did hate me, then. I wasn't sure if I meant "hate" when I gave him his arrows, but for some reason, this sentence excruciatingly struck my heart, in such a painful method that I _feared_ to continue the laid path. I reluctantly figured I had to read the next arrow, for if it was probably better to find out now than stress myself over uncertainty.

The next three cut-outs laid across my bedroom floor. I picked each one up before reading them. It took me a moment before I could even look at them because I knew I would become angered, or hurt, or most likely both. But I did it anyway.

10. She's a tough kunoichi who speaks her mind.

9. She can punch through walls.

8. She gives me house visits when I don't go to the hospital.

I briefly wondered what Kakashi thought when he read my ten reasons for currently despising him. Did he feel anything? Did he hurt like I did? Or did I make it worse and piss him off even more? I sighed, not understanding _anything_ that was going on between us. And not finding answers always made me upset because I was Sakura. I was smart; I knew answers to everything. Well, next to Shikamaru. Nobody could compare to him.

I opened my bedroom door to find the next few arrows follow a path _around_ my dining table, but not over the wooden furniture. And the last point was directed towards the trash can of my kitchen. I had the decency to actually place the ribbons on his bed, whereas he decided to top off his rude treatment he was giving me by dumping the birthday gift (or gifts) in my trash. I had to say it was like having a knife slowly penetrating my heart, and I was awake for every second of it. I figured after he read the 10 reasons I left for him with the arrows, that he might actually come personally to talk about what was making him so angry. But he didn't. And I should have known. He returned the favor, and topped it off with a special touch.

I bit my lip as I bent down to read the next sentence on the list.

7. She calls me an old man.

I probably would have laughed or at least smiled at that if I wasn't in such turmoil at the moment.

6. Her voice is loud. Even worse when she's mad.

Oh, he'll probably get a piece of it soon enough.

5. She gave me an Icha Icha volume I've never heard of.

4. She keeps fawning over Sasuke.

I stared at that sentence for a few moments longer than the others. It wasn't true. And he knew that. Sure, I still had a very strong connection to the Uchiha, but that boy made it clear that revenge came first before love. Sasuke knew that I understood that well. For Kakashi to say I was still fawning over Sasuke… well, it sounded like my sensei didn't know me as well as I thought. I remember he had actually told me a few times in the past that he was glad my mind wasn't on Sasuke as much as it used to be. So he _did_ recognize that I had eased off my obsession over the raven-haired man. So what did this sentence mean? We both know that's not true, so why write it? Was it supposed to hurt me? Well, it failed.

3. She stabbed a voodoo doll that oddly resembled me.

It wasn't a voodoo doll. Or else I would have stabbed it with multiple senbon instead of a mere single one.

2. She has pink hair.

Pfft. I wish I could imagine that he hated my hair because I was never safe, despite under camouflage. But I doubt it was for that reason. He just despises the color.

The last one was right before the trash can, which I dared not looked into. Not until I was brave enough. I probably seemed like an idiot for being too nervous to read her last arrow or to even look into her own garbage. But I had to force my nerves to steel themselves.

I slowly peeked at the remaining arrow on the floor.

1. She comes to wrong conclusions.

I stopped breathing for a moment. What did that mean? What am I wrong about? So he's _not_ mad? So he doesn't hate me? Then why is he being so mean to me? All Kakashi ever does is provide me with more unanswered questions. I was getting really tired of this game by now. I wanted to just collapse and forget all of this ever happened. I wanted to go back in time and take away his birthday gifts if they meant ill to him. I didn't want him like this. I wanted this _thing_ between us to return to the way it used to be. To where we were best friends, and not strangers.

I finally looked into the waste bin, not really caring anymore about which gift it was. But it was what I thought. The watch. He was too obsessed with Icha Icha to actually throw away an _only_ copy of a certain volume. I knew him well. But, apparently, he didn't know me.

I was tired of this game. I wanted to end it all right now. If he wasn't going to act like we were friends, or even train me like a normal teacher would to a student, then I would leave. I started it, so I suppose it was my duty to finish it.

The next morning, I skipped the practice that I probably should have attended for the sake of Naruto. But instead, I went directly to the Hokage, Tsunade-sama, my former trainer and motherly figure. I wasn't going to rat Kakashi out, for I had more dignity and honor than that. I simply mentioned that I was requesting to leave Team Seven. Of course, she inquired why. I merely responded by saying that I was having troubles within the group and was only disrupting the teamwork. Which was actually quite true. She looked at me for a moment in silence, trying to see through my soul by my eyes. I assured her that I would make up for it by giving my aid to her and the hospital. Immediately after hearing that it was less work on her part, she granted me my request.

I left the building by afternoon, passing by the Ichiraku ramen stand for a bite to eat. Only to notice my team at the current place and time as well. Actually, my "former" team, I should say. I took my seat beside Naruto, keeping quiet. But when your best friend is the blonde fox-boy, it's guaranteed that you can't stay in silence. He quickly plowed me down with loads of questions, asking why I wasn't present for training. Asking if I was sick. Asking if my "girl problems" were something serious. I quietly informed him that I was no longer a part of Team Seven. I avoided looking into Naruto's eyes. For when _he_ was silent, then it felt like the whole world came crashing down. And when _Naruto_ cries, I cry, too. But he held it in. He resisted, for he knew I would, too.

He asked that one word as many times as I asked myself about Kakashi's silent treatment towards me. Why? Naruto actually took a hold of my shoulders and shook me, shouting and pleading to give him an answer. He wanted an explanation, which I couldn't provide.

I looked past Naruto to see Kakashi still avoiding me. He made no movement or reaction to the situation. His perfectly, sculpted body only continued to examine the menu in front of him. It angered me and it pained me to see him do this. It hurt me to not understand what he was doing to me or why I was so affected by it. I pushed Naruto's hands away and stood to confront my "former" sensei.

"Are you going to keep ignoring me?" I asked, my voice of a loud shout in contrast to the watery eyes I bared.

There was no response.

"If I came to a wrong conclusion, then tell me what the correct one is!"

Still, there was no response. Naruto and Sasuke were clearly confused by this ordeal, but not nearly as tormented by it as I was. This game that Kakashi continued to play was tearing me apart and I had no idea why. That word, again. I hated that word. Why? It was only one word, and yet the one question that I needed an answer to more than anything.

"Fine. If you refuse to be my sensei, then I refuse to be your student."

I left Ichiraku without ordering and continued to my apartment, where I stubbornly wallowed with an entire meal-less day.


	5. 10 things you noticed about me

**10 THINGS YOU NOTICED ABOUT ME**

A couple weeks had passed since I separated myself from Team Seven. I wish I could say that I had successfully avoided them the entire period, but that was a lie. Naruto came to the hospital to visit me everyday. His greetings were always accompanied by a flower and a hug. I was jealous of how great a father he would turn out one day. I pictured what kind of mother I would turn out to be. I imagined a woman that probably abused her husband and threatened to neuter him if he didn't follow my orders. I never wanted to be like that, coming so forceful of myself upon everyone. But I was. I tried to change, but my temper was ascribed into my soul. I could not change. And I doubt I ever will. I had even given up on the dream of ever starting a family. After all, what man would tolerate a temper like mine? Besides Naruto? But even that was mandatory under my watch. I still force him to withstand my scolding at times.

Naruto wasn't my only visitor. Sasuke even came by. Not just once or twice. But as often as Naruto did. He came every night, before my shift ended to accompany me home. I had to say that I was quite flattered and probably blushed quite a bit in his presence. It was a surprise for him to provide a gesture like that. He told me that he would kill Kakashi if the old man had done something to hurt me. I gave my first love a simple smile, telling him that he didn't physically hurt me. Sasuke caught onto my partial truth, mentioning that Kakashi did hurt me, though… mentally. I shook my head. Emotionally, I replied. Sasuke's eyes radiated with anger, but I comforted him by telling him that it was really nothing. I just couldn't focus with a team if it was always on my mind. He gave me a nod, shyly mumbling that Naruto missed me a lot and hopes I come back soon. He disappeared without letting me say my own thanks or goodbyes. I watched his figure vanish, leaving me to wonder if he really meant Naruto or not.

Another week went by, and no sight or word of Kakashi. I had not even heard from Sasuke or Naruto. But I was soon ushered into the Hokage's office, informed that the three of them had been on a mission lately. I was then ordered to pay Kakashi a visit for Naruto had told her that the "old man" had received an injury on his shoulder. It worried me for a brief instant if he was really all right. Tsunade-sama easily noticed as it was probably written all over my face. She quickly dismissed me and I raced towards his place.

I was still upset at Kakashi, but the fear of his well-being had been of more importance at the moment. I quickly invited myself into his apartment, via the window. But he wasn't in his bedroom. I quickly tended to the rest of his residence to find him in his kitchen, his back turned to me, reading the Icha Icha volume that I had given him on his birthday. His other hand pressed a moist washcloth on his bloody shoulder. I shook my head with a smile. He never did know how to take care of himself. I lightly touched my hand upon his. He didn't move. He had most surely felt my chakra the minute I was in range. I softly removed his fingers and took away the wet, bloody fabric. I stretched the collar of his shirt to fully view the gash. It wasn't too bad, but it hadn't stopped bleeding yet. I traced my fingers over it in sorrow. I regrettably wondered if he would have still gotten hurt if I had not left Team Seven. My chakra channeled between my fingers and his skin, stitching the torn skin and muscle together again. I numbed his nerves around that area, providing some soothing massages instead. He let out an appreciative groan and laid his head back on the chair to finally see me. Though upside down, this was the first time he had actually noticed me in the past few weeks. It brought a smile to face, for I was so relieved, I was afraid a tear might fall upon him. I had truly missed him so much.

"10 things I noticed about you," he mentioned, softly, his eye searching my glazed ones. "You look to the left when you lie."

I scoffed, telling him I never lied before in my life. He gave me a soft smile, though it was hidden beneath his mask.

"You tug on your shirt when you can't think of an answer. But you tug on your ear when you're avoiding the answer."

My eyes softened as I realized that these were really small things that one would have to pay close attention to me to notice. I had a few of my own about him, but I decided to let him finish. It might have been his way of apologizing.

"You look up when you're thinking harder than usual, and down when you don't want to bother thinking."

I finished my healing touches on his shoulder. Nevertheless, our eyes never separated, always staying connected. His hand trailed from my fingers that still lingered on his shoulders to my arm, lightly grazing my bare skin until he could cup my cheek.

"Your eye twitches before you use your strength on Naruto. You make a face when someone mentions a snake. And your nose scrunches when you heal others, like it did just now."

I gave a light laugh. I bit my lip to silence myself and avoid the blush that had already consumed my cheeks.

"You also bite your lip to keep your emotions inside."

I released my hold of my lip.

"But my favorite," he paused for a short moment as he seemed to be searching my soul through my eyes. "…is when you show your prettiest smile every time I pat your head."

It was hard not to keep still. He melted me like so many times before, and this moment was just as precious to never forget. I loosened his hitai-ate and let it slip to the floor. I placed my forehead against his as my hands moved themselves to clasp on top his chest. I could feel it now, the warm water threatening to leak upon my cheeks. I shut my eyes to keep them from showing how much pain I've gone through and how much relief he was giving me at this exact moment.

"10 things I noticed about you," I whispered, returning the favor. "You brush your hair with your fingers when someone is boring you. Your eye crinkles when you smile, like right now."

His hand moved to run through my rosy strands as I continued my list.

"You tap your chin when you're thinking, and you scratch it when you know something, but won't say."

He interrupted, saying that if his enemies found out that he was so easy to read, he wouldn't be able to kick ass. I let out a small giggle at his joke.

"You raise an eyebrow when you don't care, but scrunch it when you do. You look to the side when you want to ignore Gai's challenge. And you scratch the back of your head when you're caught red-handed."

He laughed, saying he's never been caught before. I continued.

"You jolt when someone calls you old man."

He muttered that it's because he's not one. I took a short pause to relish in the feeling of his fingers running through my rosy locks. It reminded me so well of the times he used to do so during the quiet breaks of training practice.

"And…," I whispered, absently. "You run your fingers through my hair when you want to tell me something, but can't."

His hand stopped moving, and after a moment he removed it from my tresses.

He immediately sat up, forcing me to wonder with a confused expression sketched on my features. He didn't look at me again. He simply told me that my purpose here was done. I bit my lip, just like he knew I would. I was straining so hard to hold back my emotions, that I feared I may soon draw blood down my chin. I asked, in a voice so quiet and so shaken that it was more than obvious of how broken I had become. I asked to know the reason he continued to treat me this way. How he could give me the cold shoulder, yet still be able to tell me ten things he cherished about me.

He was quiet. He sat still in his chair, hunched over as he cradled his head in his hands, as if in deep thought. I gradually worked the courage to walk around, bending down to tangle our fingers together. I pulled his warm, calloused hands away from his features, never taking my eyes away from his own. He mumbled that it wouldn't work. We can't. We can't go back to the way we were, but yet still unable to continue what we have. But his next few words plucked at my heart like a broken guitar…

It's best that we end it all.

I knew my face must have shown my panic, for he turned away from my line of vision. I remained shocked. End it all? End what? This game? Our friendship? Both? End what? The time we've shared? The memories we've shared? End what?

I questioned him again, my voice even softer than before, if possible. Why are you doing this to me? Do you hate me now? I thought… I just don't understand… I wasn't even able to comprehend full sentences within my head to express my confusion. It was a web of mystery, doubling in size as time passed by.

He sighed, looking at my watery orbs again. I noticed he felt guilty about what he'd done, about how much trouble he's caused me. But he continued to stand by his decision. In a tone laced with a need for understanding, he traced a finger within my silky tresses again, assuring me that he didn't hate me, not at all.

I pleaded for him to explain. I pleaded because I was scared. _He_ was scaring me. His actions, his words, and even his eyes were causing me to shiver at the bones.

I shook my head, telling him that I didn't get what he was trying to say. My fingers grasped his a little tighter. I confessed the facts I haven't been able to sleep or even think without a single thought of him. His eyes stared at mine.

"I think I-"

He cut me off. He informed me that it was the exact reason we couldn't be together. It was a danger to not only our missions, but to our very lives. He kept repeating that he didn't want to do this; didn't want to hurt me, but had to for our own good.

Did he honestly expect for me to live without him? Alone…? I should've expected this. Sasuke wanted that, as well, I mused. I warned Kakashi. I warned him that if he thought I'll just pretend to ignore him, like he did me, then he might as well kill me now. If I couldn't be with him, then there was no purpose for living.

I rose up, expecting some kind of response from him. Instead, he stared at the floor. It was hard to tell if he was just avoiding my sights or actually debating on the right words to say.

I expressed to him, the Kakashi that I grew so attached to… if he knew what this was, and if he _felt_ the same way… he'd tell me. He wouldn't run and hide.

There was still no reply.

I dejectedly walked towards the exit of his apartment. But before I made the decision to shut the door, I glanced at him once again. He looked up, to which I locked our gaze.

"The Kakashi I know is no coward."

And so, I closed the door, and left.

That evening, we realized everything. We solved the case to why he gave me the cold shoulder. Why I struggled through such torture, feeling all the emotions of pain, confusion, and excitement at the same time. We answered the cause to his enjoyment of brushing his fingers in my hair, as well as the kiss he granted my forehead last year. And I finally recognized the grounds to which I continued to celebrate his birthday, year after year, always eagerly awaiting to see his covered grin. We realized what made us grow so much closer than we probably should have been.

We were in love.


	6. 1 thing you never told me

**1 THING YOU NEVER TOLD ME**

That night, the sandman never came to visit me. And although Gaara was indeed a close friend, I wasn't referring to him. With eyes closed or opened, Kakashi was in every image in my mind. I wish I could stay mad, instead of this creeping tension that built up inside me. But that was impossible. Remaining angry at Kakashi could never last.

When it happened, I wasn't sure. How I didn't notice, I wasn't sure. But I was in love and 100 percent positive. Nevertheless, I didn't have the happy-go-lucky joy I expected. I always imagined it would be similar to my young infatuation on Sasuke, but more intense. Love was nothing like that. It was a hideous emotion which tormented my every fiber.

I was scared because I was nervous as to how I'd look at him again. I was worried about the thoughts that ran through his very head. I was frightful of what could become of the future, whether we saw each other again or not. I was pretty sure that now _I _wouldbe the one avoiding him and _him_ being upset. But those weeks were so aggravating, I felt like I was suffocating. I didn't have enough fury to put him through the same thing as much as I used to think. I didn't have the courage to make him suffer like I did. That was another part of love, wasn't it? Not being able to harm the other.

I was so scared of this feeling. I needed someone to hold my hand and tell me that things will work out for the best. I needed that person to say the words that could save me from this cruel and spinning world. But the person I wanted to hear it from… was also the person I was so afraid to see.

Now I'm worried about what he thinks. Not just about me, but about himself. Does he hate himself for having an attraction to me? Is he mad because of our status as student and teacher?

And yesterday, I said something that scared him. I don't know if he knew long ago or until just then. Yet, I knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to say those words, whether they were true or not. I know he felt that need to say them, for I did, too. And I never recognized my feelings for him until that moment. All the small things seem to come together now as I remember all the touches, all the jokes, and all the smiles that we shared over the years. Maybe that was how I gently eased away from Sasuke?

I let out an agitated scream into my pillow. I didn't want to think about all this anymore. It was hurting too much. Rejection from Sasuke was never easy, but rejection from Kakashi was just unbearable!

Too many hours later, after my shift at the hospital ended, I opted for a short walk to the open-aired roof, where Team Seven first shared their likes and dislikes. How we've all grown since then…

I leaned against the rail, my sights absorbing the motions of the citizens below me. For some reason, at that moment, I felt empty. Like life was officially labeled "pointless." I know it's wrong, that it's immoral to say. But that's just how I felt. It could have been because Kakashi wasn't here. Or possibly that I knew there was a high chance of him never confronting his true feelings. And _that_ broke my heart. Although I was curious to why he believed that he could not allow himself some kind of happiness, the reason should not have been any of my business.

I glanced at the darkening sky above my head. I figured that both my teammates were currently waiting at the Ichiraku stand for my appearance. I sighed, making my way back down through the building. Sure, it would have been much easier and much faster to just speed across the rooftops of Konoha. But I was exhausted; tired from all the chakra I had already spent during the day. It was really unfair on my part that every doctor and nurse around felt that _I_ must be the go-to medic every single moment a problem occurs. However, I was never one to turn a request down, unless it was for a date from Lee. What was it, 200-some now?

I trudged down the stairs, trying to never mind the others that passed me by. Unfortunately, it was never that easy when both your teammates and your team leader were the most popular in the village. I used to feel invisible amongst my team. At least, now, I've progressed into either a messenger or "that girl on the Kyuubi's team."

My shoulder brushed against a rather quick force as I turned the corner of the stairs. The two of us cast a short glance at each other before registering what happened. She apologized profusely, which always tended to get on my nerves. Shizune was never a very social person. She asked if I was going to Kakashi's home once again. I cocked my head slightly. I inquired what made her think that. She said sorry yet again, before explaining that the man had once told her that he would avoid hospitals just to force me to visit him at home. My eyebrow twitched. Shizune noticed and quickly excused herself, lying about an errand she had to be responsible for.

I stood there for a moment, trying to organize my jumbled thoughts. He had it listed as a reason for liking me, yet also on the list for hating me. Based on Shizune's slip of the tongue, I could only assume that he made me perform house visits for both his own amusement and annoyance. What a fool, that Kakashi was. He could seriously die if he didn't properly tend to his injuries and especially just for a laugh to see me irritated.

I continued on my path to the Ichiraku stand. I exited the building, blending in the other shinobi and pedestrians that littered the streets of the Leaf village. My reflection gazed back at me from within the window of Ino's family store. I stepped in for a minute, hoping that Naruto and Sasuke could excuse my tardiness for once. I caught sight of my best friend behind the counter, a huge grin plastered on her face. She gave me a cheerful greeting, a complete 180 to what I, myself, current felt. Instead, I gave her a slight smile that she was always able to uncover. She requested to hear what problems I had now, offering me a seat behind the cash register as well.

It would be an absolutely idiotic decision on my part to blab about every single thing that I've been struggling with in the past month, even worse to confess it to Ino. So I settled for only giving the essentials, telling her how I made a great idea for celebrating Kakashi's birthday, only to be shot down and treated like I didn't exist. I added how he had been trying to avoid every chance of training me, or even talking to me for that matter.

Ino shook her head. She said that it didn't make sense because the last time Kakashi had stopped by in the store was to get flowers for me during the time I had that cold. The blonde kunoichi admitted that when he made the purchase, the two had a short conversation about how he would have even liked to get flowers for my birthday. Alas, he could never seem to remember what day that would be.

My best friend recommended that I just merely sit down and talk it out. I only nodded my head, not wanting to recall the tale for her of last night, when I truly tried that.

I reminded myself that I had a previous appointment for dinner with my other two closest best friends. I did often believe they had gotten closer to me than Ino, but I could never be able to label as one more precious than the other. I departed the store with a quick wave of good-bye, hurrying down my path. I rushed towards the ramen stand, to be confronted with a frowning boy, clad in orange. He pouted over the fact that I was late, to which I shrugged an apology towards him. I took the seat between both him and Sasuke, ordering my miso soup, the same as the Uchiha who sat to my right. Awkwardly, I found the small place to be quite silent, with two pairs of orbs staring intensely at my own, waiting for some kind of response. I glanced between the two with confusion. I narrowed my eyes at my teammates.

Naruto was the first to speak, tapping his fingers on the counter. He stated a rhetorical question. "You really do like him, huh?"

I stared wide-eyed at the blonde with shock. Sasuke made a scoff, returning to finish his miso soup after seeing my reaction. Naruto did the same, turning away. He mentioned that the old man had actually once said that he wished he spent more time training me. Sasuke also commented that Kakashi said he wanted to teach me how to summon Pakkun, but didn't think I'd prefer the idea. So the two had noticed there was something going on between me and our sensei, but I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk about the matter with them right now. I tried to play it off, like I had no idea what he was referring to. But they gave me a sharp look of disbelief. There were times when I wondered if they even knew me more than I knew myself.

The harsh guilt trip of the night came. Naruto's cerulean eyes and pouted lips aimed directly at me and all I could do was stare. If my own eyes were quivering at that moment, I would not be surprised. He had suddenly asked me a question that I could not give a proper answer to. How come I can fall for a bastard and a perverted old man, but not him? I never realized that Naruto may have felt left out, and it was truly painful to find that now. I assured him that I did love him, but like a brother who I always wanted by my side. He gave me a gentle smile, despite showing that he didn't seem to consider my answer, no matter how true it was. I added that there had already been a girl, who had claimed him for years, and immediately, his eyes lit up and a grin appeared. He grabbed my shoulders, begging to tell him her name. I only shook my head, replying that it was for him to find out. Naruto gulped his ramen down in a rush before leaving, saying that he planned to ask every girl in the village if she liked him. As his view vanished from my sight, I allowed myself to roll my eyes before beginning to consume my own meal.

Sasuke remained seated, already finished with his own dinner. I glanced to see him staring at me. It was really bothersome to have someone watch you eat, even if you did know the guy for all your life. He reminded me that I used to love him. I avoided his gaze, incapable to find a reply that would be sufficient to give him. He continued, nevertheless, saying that though he didn't prefer how attached I was to Kakashi now, he would accept it. I gradually stopped eating and placed my chopsticks across my bowl. I looked at him with a sorry expression. I couldn't provide him any comfort nor deny my attraction to our team leader.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell him that what I felt truly was real. I couldn't admit that it was different from what I used to have for Sasuke, but it definitely wasn't the same. He stood up to leave before I could conjure up any assuring words for him. I opened my mouth to speak, to have some kind of effort to convince my first love that my passion to Kakashi was, indeed, genuine. But I had no voice. No words left my lips and no sound was shaped. My jaded eyes watched the back of his form leave the stand in uneasiness. However, as my raven-haired friend lifted his hand to swat away the flimsy curtains, he turned his head to regard me once more. Our eyes met directly and we remained frozen to our spots for a moment.

My voice was soft, as fragile as glass. I gently informed Sasuke that I wouldn't deny that I still had some kind of love towards him. But it wasn't the same as it used to be. I've moved on. He was silent, only watching me intensely for any signs of a lie. However, I knew he would find nothing, for there were no lies. When he finally spoke, I strained myself to listen to his words very carefully. "If he does one thing wrong, I'm coming to take you back." And with that, his figure vanished to the silent evening. I slowly turned to my meal again, my appetite soon to disappear. Sasuke's… well, threat, I suppose, was actually quite warming to the heart. Nonetheless, Kakashi and I aren't even on good terms at the moment.

I finished what I could of my dinner before paying and exiting the place. I wish I could say that it was finally time to head home, to the fine warmth of my apartment, where a worn-out couch and water-stained coffee table called my name. Yet, I still had some work to complete. As I promised Tsunade-sama, I would ease the work from her shoulders in return for my request for leaving Team Seven.

It's really not bad at all. I only have to organize the papers into certain piles, which is really aiding Shizune rather than our Hokage. I tossed my complaints aside and headed towards the brightest building of the night. As I followed my routinely walks down the hall, I passed by the lonely lounge, the gathering room of our lazy team leaders. I peeked inside to see only my childhood, scarred teacher at work with his own supper at his comfort.

He looked up to see me at the door. He flashed me a simple smile, waving his hand to usher me in. I refused his offer, politely, saying I only wanted to say hello and have a good dinner. He laughed, joking that it probably wasn't nearly as good as mine. I gave him a questioning look to how he could possibly imagine that my cuisine was satisfactory. He mentioned that Kakashi had told him that no restaurant could top my cooking. I gave a smile, leaving him with a wave of good-bye.

I continued walking, my ragged sandals echoing in the empty corridors. I granted myself a gentle grin, unable to suppress it. I paused in the passageways, leaning against the walls for support. Kakashi liked my cooking? But he never said anything about it. I used to bring lunch for all the members of Team Seven during our training, yet Naruto had been the only one to compliment me about it. I always assumed he said it just to win my affections. Though, if _he_ liked my cooking, and never telling me about it, then I suppose I could have some kind of pride in my talent in the kitchen. I let out a small laugh as I imagined Kakashi actually admitting that to Iruka.

Coming out of my momentary daze, I quickly hurried to the Hokage's office before catching Kakashi's habit of being late once again. Finding the door to already be ajar, I invited myself in, my attention focused on the scattered sheets of paper on the floor. The mighty woman fell victim to her alcohol for another night, not bothering to lend me a helping hand. As I gathered the loose documents together, my eyes couldn't help but read the lines of scribbled handwriting. I turned my focus to Tsunade-sama, a well-formed pile already resting among my arms. I held a particular sheet of paper within my hand, regarding her with a curious expression. I asked her why I had not been sent on any of these current missions. She mumbled that she didn't remember what missions I was talking about. I pursed my lips as I was undoubtedly reminded of her condition. I questioned once again in interest of these few missions within the past two days that seemed to lack a medic nin in their group. My mentor shook her head, muttering of how Kakashi had requested to try to save me as the medic for any and all missions he would be involved with. I gave a short gasp, nearly dropping the objects of my purpose in that room tonight. Tsunade glanced at me with a quizzical look. I turned away, picking up the last few stranded sheets before rushing out the office.

I hurried to dump these documents on the desk of Kotetsu. I apologized greatly and thanked him many times for taking care of my business tonight, leaving him no option or opinion in the matter. I assured him that I would owe him one as I raced out the building to find the love of my life.

If it was only Tsunade-sama that had told me a small secret of Kakashi, I may have merely smiled and used it as a joke against the Copy Nin. However, this whole day seemed to know a hidden side of Kakashi that hadn't been revealed to me. Naruto and Sasuke each mentioned a small detail the silver-haired warrior had neglected to aware me of. Yet, Ino and Shizune also held an undisclosed part of him. As well as Iruka, who I had no idea still talked to my team leader.

I had to know now. I understand that he didn't want me to know, but I had to find out. He had to tell me. The two of us knew, without a doubt, what we felt. But I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted to hear him say it and still be able to resist the bond we shared. It was quite awkward that I could learn secrets about Kakashi from our friends, rather than him, himself. I could only wonder how many more new ones I would find before locating the hero that stole my heart.

It seemed that either fate or coincidence was toying with my life tonight as my thought was soon answered. Genma staggered from the exit of the bar, feeling much too tipsy to still be of sanity. Both Kurenai-sensei and Asuma-sensei had a grip of an arm, hauling his unresponsive form towards the sidewalks of Konoha. I stopped for a brief moment, requesting if any of them had seen Kakashi that night. Unfortunately, my reply was a negative. Though, apparently, Genma's liquor still seemed to be in effect as his voice slurred about the man I was currently searching for had used to have an urge to _kiss_ me. The widening of my eyes was completely obvious to the other two companions of that night, for Kurenai quickly apologized, saying that Genma wasn't exactly in a good condition. I shook my head, replying that I should have expected something crazy from a silly drunk like him. But before I turned to leave, I noticed how the dark-haired woman cast her eyes to the side as the edge of her lips twitched as well. She confessed to me that what Genma said had been quite true. Kakashi had had his share of times in which he was in the same stature as the man she held in her hands right now. Asuma grunted in agreement, adding how Kakashi had even said he was actually most at comfort around me. Kurenai smiled at her lover, forgetting that I had yet to leave them, reminiscing aloud of the time the Copy Nin had even admitted he would risk 1,000 lifetimes to be with me. The two of them laughed as I remained frozen in my spot, staring mindlessly at Genma. He gave me a wink, but I couldn't register that in my head when our quick conversation was still being absorbed. He wanted to kiss me? Would risk 1,000 lifetimes? For me?

I was too desperate to see my love interest now to depart the three with a quick farewell. I passed by his apartment to find a darkened window and no response to my frantic knocks against the door. I tried the monument, the Ichiraku stand, and even the training area where we still occupied every other afternoon. There was not a single sight of him and I found myself on the bridge, completely wasted of both chakra and hope.

* * *

I was on my way to the soft cushion of my own bed when I noticed a glimpse of pink in my sights. I look to my right to find her, seemingly spent of energy, leaning against the red rail of the bridge. She must have thought her reflection to be quite fascinating in the river, since she had yet to move a single muscle. Then again, her features underneath the moon and the starlight did bring a certain radiance than the usual beauty she had about her.

I sighed as I continued to watch her in silence. Her words still struck me. They had been all day. I truly was a coward, and a fool. She felt the same emotions as I did, even had the courage to confess it if I hadn't stopped her. But I was not the valiant man everyone believed me to be. I was the Copy Nin, the man of 1,000 jutsus. Yet, I fall to a simple feeling that I turned into something far worse. I didn't deserve her. I wasn't supposed to fall in love. I was supposed to do my job, protect my village until the day I died, alone. I was supposed to die alone, with nobody following. I was supposed to meet with Obito and Rin as soon as old age caught up. But then… _she_ happened.

I remember the day I finally figured it out what it really meant. I actually cancelled practice that day due to the inability to focus on anything. Naruto and Sasuke had both gotten a clean hit on me during training, immediately making me aware of my distraction. I had even forgotten the new volume of Icha Icha was being released that afternoon. I had to confess, I was glad to finally let this out in the open, at least between the two of us. Who knows how long I held this in? Months? A year?

I used to think it was trouble. I used to assume that it would bring danger to our missions, that I would be risking our lives because I couldn't get my student out of mind. But she knew how to take care of herself. She's proven it more often than not. There had been close times where I wanted to give out obvious hints, hoping to find some of the feelings she held for me. Though, I never went through with it. I figured I would only be causing more trouble between us. So, I played innocent to my internal findings. I pretended we were simply close friends, possibly too close at times. I did my best at trying to hide any affection I had for the kunoichi. Then my birthday came. And like always, she did something special. However, this year became too much. She had written "love." She had written _10 _things that she loved about me. I don't think she realized how devastating it felt to read those, only to know that it was actually simply just a figure of speech. The temptation to finally display the obvious clues was too great to suppress that morning. I returned the favor, wanting to somehow display that attraction I had towards her. I played the game, neglecting how it could have changed the relationship we already had, and for the better.

I realized that on the path towards the training grounds that day. If I had pulled us closer together, that would only bring chaos. Not many accepted couples like those, with 14 years apart and one side being able to read perverted literature in public. I could only imagine how disgusted our other two teammates would have been. So, I changed my performance from a lifetime friend to a distant stranger. It took much effort on my part, and it was for the wrong reasons.

I did it to hide her. Hide her from me. Hide her from society.

Nevertheless, she knew me quite well and even I couldn't deny how close our bond had gotten over time. And it was my fault for ruining it, for the reason that I had become scared. No, frightened of what could become of us. But, she was stronger than l. She knew what it was, and how to handle it. I granted myself a small grin as I noticed it was another trait of hers that I fell for. Now, I suppose Obito and Rin might even have to wait a bit longer, for I found a reason to live. I'll be fighting for survival nowadays, instead of waiting for the grim reaper to show.

I approached her on the bridge and she looked up with surprised eyes, biting her lip. I let out a light scoff, reminding her that I knew what that gesture meant. I wondered if I should ask exactly what it was that she attempted to hide.

However, she seemed to answer my question before I could take any action on my thought. She spilled out words, that seemed to be in a rush, but were actually only said in a tone that wanted the truth.

She told me how both Naruto and Sasuke had told her that I wished I spent more time training her. True. She told me Ino said I wanted to celebrate her birthday, but I could never remember the date. True. She told me that the Hokage had admitted that I always asked for her to be the medic on my team and that Shizune slipped out how I ignored hospitals just to see her when she wasn't placed on my team. True and true. She told me Iruka said I liked her cooking. True. She told how she bumped into Genma, who said I wanted to kiss her, Kurenai, who let out I'd risk 1,000 lifetimes for her, and Asuma, who remembered I said I always felt at home with her. All three were true.

I made a mental note to punish each and every person on that list tomorrow. However, I had to thank them for recognizing the exact reasons that caused me to fall for the person that stood in front of me. The fact that it was apparent to others simply further proved how were meant to be together.

Her eyes stared deeply into mine. They trembled from a long period of withholding her emotions. And it was all due to me. If only I had had the sense to have said it before, when I first found out, she may not had to endure that torture. I would not have had to hide it for so long. I could tell her limit of keeping it within was starting to break away. So, I kept her apparent soul in my sights, entranced to her words as she spoke.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi, but I don't care if you want to hear it or not. I have to tell you-"

"I love you," I interrupted her.

I waited for a response, but her breath was caught and her widened, moist orbs were focused on me. I smiled at her pretty face, unable to take my eyes from her emerald ones. I trailed my hand to graze along her cheek before enwrapping my fingers in her rosy locks. I loved her hair. It was as comforting as silk, despite how it stuck out in a crowd. My eyes gradually settled on her perfect, tempting lips.

"I should have told you a long time ago… I love you."

Before she could even take a glimpse of my uncovered face, I locked lips with hers. I wrapped one arm around her body, pulling her desperately close against me, cupping her cheek with the hand I previously had brushing in her hair. From just this simple touch, I could feel every ounce of pain, from loneliness, regret, or even joy. But I was completely aware of everything I caused her to feel and I wanted her know that I was truly sorry. That even though I had noticed these feelings a long time ago, I was deeply sorry I took too much time in letting her know. As she wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing our lips together with as much passion as I, I realized how connected the two of us had actually become.

I parted our kiss, but left my touch lingering against hers. Beyond a doubt, I was eternally thankful for her.

And that was the truth.

* * *

I had finally found love, in someone I, both dreadfully and blissfully, wanted to spend the rest of my life with. 


End file.
